My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
