I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he just fucked me for my cheese..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
