Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
