OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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