You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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