Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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