Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
