Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
