the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
