we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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