This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Boobs are out for the taking
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
