Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
