I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so explain again why im purple
no
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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