I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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