is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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