1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
