I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
