Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
