My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
