do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
