Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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