I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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