Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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