sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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