another moral hangover. fuck.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
