I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
