i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
