and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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