He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
