New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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