how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
