3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
