Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
