I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
