sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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