Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
