I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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