I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
