I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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