My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
