I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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