i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
