Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
