so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
