I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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