I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
