A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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