Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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