he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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