Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
