last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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