I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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