I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
