Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
