hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
bring money and cleavage
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
