And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
